Year 2002: 22 Jan - my 1st gift from dear (a book) 24 Jan - 1st time dear send me home 26 Jan - 1st time we hold hands 28 Jan - the 1st day of our romance 3 Feb - our 1st movie 10 Feb - our 1st concert (Jay Chou) 14 Feb - our 1st Valentine's Day 28 Feb - our 1st month anniversary 29 Mar - dear's 1st gift from me (a watch) 3 Apr - our 1st celebration of dear's birthday 11 May - my 1st ring from dear for my birthday present 25 May - our 1st open-air movie in the zoo 24 June - our 1st celebration of my birthday 24 June - out 1st couple make-over session 20 Sep - 1st time we saw fireflies together in the zoo 20 Sep - my 1st Doreamon lantern from dear 29 Nov - my 1st bouquet of 6 blue & 6 champagne roses from dear 10 Dec - my 1st "colourful forest" (cactus) from dear   Year 2003: 23 Mar - our 1st ferry wheel ride 3 Apr - our 1st doggie jigsaw puzzle 1 June - 1st time I dye hair for dear 21 June - 1st time dear dye hair for me 24 June - our 1st song which dear composed for me 7 Jul - 1st day I created our very own website 13 Jul - 1st day dear saw this website which I dedicated to him 16 Jul - 1st time we watch the Sentosa Musical Fountain together 23 Aug - we completed our doggie jigsaw puzzle! 28 Oct - my 3rd bouquet of 12 mixed colour roses from dear for our 21st month anniversary    Year 2004: 28 Jan - our 2nd year anniversary! My 1st self-composed lyrics to dear for him to complete the song with his self-composed tune 14 Feb - our 3rd Valentine's Day spent together 3 Apr - my 1st "sky of luminous stars" for dear 31 May - the day i hated the most in my whole life... the day where I threw tantrums unreasonably again & finally, hurt dear, & indirectly hurting myself deeply...   3 June - the start of my "waiting days"... waiting for dear to assure me again that he stills loves me... that he still wants me... my heart has never been pumping as normal ever since... 9 June - I let him go... in great pain... but i promised i will wait for him :_ 4 July - I will always love him... & be his guardian angel till my last breathe...  2 Aug - even if we were to meet for just a min, i will feel contented... not to mention that i can stay beside dear for the time of a movie... silly girl always... 15 Aug - should i wait.. or should i move on... :_ 28 Aug - we were back together :) but for how long, it's a qn mark... 25 Dec - we have our xmas celebration at dear's 3rd sis's hm...   Year 2005: 14 Jan - dear gave me a pair of doggie earrings as our v-dae present... 28 Jan - No anni card from dear again... although i reali wld like to know dear's feelings, but i know dear's busy... so i dun blame him... 30 Jan - our sweet talk in the open-air suntec fountain of wealth area... 2 Feb - dear knew I liked the tank top at the Canteen A bazaar... So he bought it for me as a surprise! Although he bought the wrong one, but its the tots dat counts :) I love dear... 28 Feb - dear gave me an anni card... it's been so long since I received an anni card from dear... 4 Mar - why is dear making me choose between xuan & him? its such a cruel decision to me... i will b facing tough times alone in future...   8 Mar - I can't breathe... Where is the shoulder that I need... 3 Apr - the amt of efforts spent in the celebration, cross-stitch & capo... who noes except myself? 11 Apr - The starting of a new chapter??? 14 Apr - The environment may change, some things may change... but 1 thing that hasn't... I will never have the heart to say "no" to him... 19 Apr - Alot of things going on my mind... ... ... 26 Apr - Telling myself he's now bz with his exams... & he will prove his sincerity to me after his exams... helping him find excuses to make myself feel beta??? 4 May - A new beginning... 6 May - I dun deny the fact dat it melts my heart to hear fm him dat in his heart, I'm always his girlfriend... and actuali he realised the "past" r all crushes... but its not abt my tantrums anymore... its abt his basic code of conduct as a bf...can he reali reali reali stay faithful? after hurting me 3 times in 3 yrs? An average of 1 time per yr... if god had created him as a faithful guy, everythg wld b so perfect... 7 May - We did hv a tok... although it doesn't take as long as i expected it to b... but stil, we came to an agreed conclusion... hope we will be discussing abt his planned "goals" in the near future to get us gg... & i sincerely hope we wont b having "dis kind" of tok in future... nv eva... dats y deep in my heart, i sincerely hope dat i hv made the rite decision & he is reali ready for it, ready for us... will u grant me dis simple wish? P/S: i thank him fm the bottom of my heart for agreeing to throw sumthgs for me... to me, dats efforts for my sake... thank q... 9 May - i admit dat i hv nt totali forgotten abt everythg dat has happened... but pls believe me dat i'm trying my best to get over the "past"... i nd time... i m learning... learning to love him the way i used to love him... is he doing the same? 25 May - he told me i muz let go of the past in order for us to continue our journey... i muz learn... learn to trust dat he wil nt be affected by any oth "temptations" anymore... & dat he wil alwayz tink of me & my feelings b4 he do anythg... trusting someone is nt easy... i'm sure dear wil agree... 30 May - Hapi 3.3333333333333333years anniversary!!! @->-- 1 June - something "challenging" has happened to dear yesterday... i feel the same way as dear is feeling, cos we are one... but no matter wat, i wil b strong... so dat i dun add on to dear's worries & i muz help dear to "fight" dis battle... once it's over, nothg can beat dear down anymore... we shall go thru dis hand-in-hand... anyway, ups & downs in life r inevitable... ultimately, its all abt standing firmly on the grd despite wat happens... & ans to urself, & nt to anybody else... 8 June - yipee! i m given "sumthg" 1st time eva for the past 40mths & 11days... althou i noe its nothg much actuali... but at least for my own tinkin, it is... ok, perhaps i m exaggerating... but stil, yipee!!! :) P/S : sumbody is calling me soon... to ask wat's dat ;p 13 June - wonder why but it seems like all the small pcs are starting to form its shape... everythg's gg to be perfect soon... & dis time round, nt perfect in short term... but  perfect in long term... rite? 17 June - hope everything's gonna b ok... wat i've promised, i mean it... juz make my wish cum true... 21 June - yeah! I'm gg for a short trip w dear dear soon... mainly to rest & relax :) 23 June - Am crying now :_ feeling sad... felt the heartpain dat dear might not be able to convocate this July. Its not about the qualifications... reali... its about the emotional part... I noe dear has tried his best & I m alwayz proud of him... but sumhw, juz feel a "hole" there emotionally... it shldn't happen dat way... i promised to exchange anythg as long as they allow dear's appeal to b succesful... so it reali shldn't happen dat way... i juz wish dear wil b a strong boy no matter wat happens... cos i feel wat he feels... trust me... 28 June - dear dear may b feeling sad inside, i noe... which is understandable... but at least, he's brave at the outside... & soon, all the storms will b over... i noe it will... & to me, dear is oredi a hero... 29 June - wen dear dear sees the lucky cat, dear dear will see me oso ;p lucky cat luks so hapi... dear dear oso muz b hapi everydae, every moment k... cos if dear dear nt hapi, baobei won't b hapi... ...  4 Jul - dear dear wen KL last wkend for 3D/2N... sumhw, i feel sad as I can't contact him as & wen i wan... nt onli i worried abt him, i oso miss him v much... dear dear sure nt hapi dat i so dependent on him... again :( 6 Jul - todae had a wonderful time taking & decorating our neocards together :) i reali enjoy such times with dear dear... as compared to receiving expensive gifts fm him... i dun ask for much... 11 Jul - todae i've changed from "alan" to "dear" in my hp name list :)     FOREVER I'll be loving you forever, Deep inside my heart you'll leave me never, Even if you took my heart, And tore it apart, I would love you still, forever,   You are the sun, You are my light, And you're the last thing on my mind, Before I go to sleep at night, You're always around, When I'm in need, When trouble's on my mind, You put me so at ease, There is no one in this world, Who can love me like you do, That is the reason that I, Wanna spend forever with you,   I'll be loving you forever, Deep inside my heart you leave me never, Even if you took my heart, And tore it apart, I would love you still, forever, We've had our fun, We've made mistakes, But who'd have guessed along that road, We'd learn to give and take, It's so much more than I could have dreamed, Cause you make loving you, so easy for me, There is no one in this world, Who can love me like you do, That is the reason that I, Wanna spend forever with you, I'll be loving you forever, Deep inside my heart you leave me never, Even if you took my heart, And tore it apart, I would love you still, forever,   And boy I pray you leave me, never,   Cause this is the world, where lovers often go astray, But if we love each other, we won't go that way, So put your doubts aside, Do what it takes to make it right, I love you, forever, no-one can tear us apart,   I'll be loving you forever, (forever) Deep inside my heart you leave me never, Even if you took my heart, (took my heart girl) And tore it apart, (you tore it apart now) I would love you still, forever, And I'll be loving you forever, (forever) Deep inside my heart you leave me never, Even if you took my heart, (you took my heart girl) And tore it apart, (you tore it apart now) I would love you still, forever, I'll be loving you forever, Deep inside my heart you leave me never, Even if you took my heart, And tore it apart, I would love you still, forever